Friend or foe

This week's lesson: I can be both my best friend and my worst enemy

on habits and memories

I have been attending an online seminary on forgiveness, something I have kept bumping into for ages and finally decided to give it a try. The problem is, it took me almost half a year to take up the courage and go to lesson 2 :) But I did, and I've been noticing the chain reaction this has triggered inside of me, quite interesting. But what I really wanted to bring up today was an idea I came across in the answer I received after my homework was submitted; the fact that our body has "cellular memories" which, even though events are long passed, remain encripted in us and resurface in certain critical moments, often to our disadvantage.

The oddness of this struck me at first, but then once it settled inside, I began to notice certain patterns of behaviour in my past and present. Things I would not want to do but ended up doing, later explaining them to myself as mometary blindness...How everything makes a perfect picture now! It seems so simple but so terribly true: every action of ours leaves a print in our body and whole being, the more frequent it is repeated the faster it turns into and "inner written" habit. It's like programming a computer.

Funny to think our actions in the present build up a subconscious future response to similar cirumstances. To think of it, I've grown up with the saying "One who steals an egg today is certain to steal an ox tomorrow" . But never quite really got it till today. The same goes for Exupery's baobabs, isn't it? Make sure you pluck out the ad seeds on time or else their strong grown roots will destroy your planet. Oh, and how deceiving baobab sprouts are, how similar they can be to rose ones! How then can you tell them apart?

Here, the Little Prince can be extremely helpful:
<<“It is a question of discipline,” the little prince said to me later on. “When
you’ve finished your own toilet in the morning, then it is time to attend to the
toilet of your planet, just so, with the greatest care. You must see to it that
you pull up regularly all the baobabs, at the very first moment when they can
be distinguished from the rosebushes which they resemble so closely in their
earliest youth. It is very tedious work,” the little prince added, “but very easy.”>>

Discipline...and awareness I guess... but nothing could be more difficult for me :)

So I designed a personlized battle plan(Low on discipline and great with making plans, that's me! :D): I'll start making up good habits in the hope bad ones will be replaced :)

What do you think?

Returning...

It's been quite a long time, but the Universe brought me back :)

Hope my cutting honesty mood will return, seems it has been hibernating till now. This is to show how rare moments like this are...for a normal person, that is. Looks like I'll be a perpetual tadpole with a slow (at times reversing) process of growth. Why does it take so long for people to learn a lesson? To think about it, the Universe has been soooo patient with me and still there are times (quite many) when I prefer the slumber of habit and turn a blind eye on the lessons I've been taught...and the first one to suffer from it is me...who can understand this???

A quick glance back in time...since my last post I went through a very difficult period of my life, which led to my taking up knitting (helps keeping sane) but most importantly I learnt the most important lesson for me so far: doing the right thing often hurts and on top of all we are NOT capable of it on our own (it's soooo much simpler and hassle free to take the easy way out). Nonetheless, all the energy of the Universe seems to get triggered when we try to do the right thing, or even just want to and admit to not being able to...then something almost magic happens, something changes inside and you become able to do make the right choice and embrace it...it's like the Universe works from inside you rewarding your little effort of will.

sooooo today's little conclusion: "Do your best...and the Universe will do the rest" :D

try it if you can!!! it's a challenge

PS still awful with communication

Tadpolian Retrospective of Last Week

As promised, I'll bulletpoint the main ideas I ran across this past week:

* Whenever you feel you're the one who's right you're in trouble! I found that thinking you're right sort of traps you in the uncomfortable prison of the idea you so tightly and exclusively cling to. Accepting, on the other hand, that your stand point might not always be the perfect one offers you an openness of mind and spirit which often makes way to joy. It's interesting how modesty, humility or simply open mindedness, call it as you wish, can bring such a change in one.
Being able to cultivate the above mentioned attitude is, however, not very easy especially if you are, like me, rather hot tempered! :D

*I also learned last week that selfishness (even when unintended) can hurt the people around us and leave deep scars. And pain then goes both sides, as it's not easy to take in that you caused such suffering to the one(s) you love. Easily as it is to hurt, it then turns out to be so much more difficult to cure those wounds. The things that we can do unconsciously...This shows how little we know ourselves and the deceiving image we have of our own person.

*And leading from the previous thought: accepting who and how you are requires certain strength of charter and an inclination for the truth and honesty, as it's so easy to cover up your own dirt!

So, more or less, that is it! Probably not so eloquent as I might have been last week, but hope it's good enough. Today, thoughts about being...

Planning?...think again!

One thing I learned in my short spanned tadpole life was that plans rarely have a positive outcome.
Take for instance last week, when inspiration fell upon me as to the topic of my next post but then Kronos was merciless and I had no time to sit and put into writing all the ideas in my head. And now, now when I can finally sit down peacefully, I find my writing mood has evaporated and all I am left with is a weird uncomfortable feeling of uncertainty about my new post.

Anyway, in the hope that I learned my lesson, I'll try and give a retrospective of last week's tadpolian findings.

Why can't people communicate properly?

I have been tossing and turning over this, especially as I often find myself in situations where communication is blocked...either on my side or the other...and I only reached one logical conclusion: maybe we sometimes just DON'T WANT to communicate and we'd rather crawl back into our little cosy shells where everything seems safe. If this is healthy for our relationship with the other, well, that's another issue...and for a little tadpole like me, one question a day is more than enough.

That's it, I finally made up my mind about why all of a sudden I am on the bed websurfing and my dear, sweet, beloved, better half is on the armchair reading...why there is an almost physical silence between us: because I DON'T WANT to communicate. Why? maybe because I'm too tired to put any effort into anything (gosh, it sounds so UNproductive!!!) or because I SIMPLY DON'T WANT to...that's it, I'll stick to this final idea.This'll be my final answer for today: I DON'T WANT to communicate today...no matter the reason.





I'm tired of words and of meanings for today...

Just listenining to the silence now